Teaching kids responsibility is a hard thing. It takes a lot of restraint to not bail your kids out when they mess something up. And I don’t think it gets any easier the older they get (at least that’s what my good friend Lysa TerKuerst tells me).
Like the other day, my kids didn’t clean up after playing outside. Later, I ran over a new basketball. It was an accident but how can they learn to be responsible if it never costs them anything? My husband made them each pay us $5 to cover the cost. That’s hard considering the amount of money they have. But if it didn’t cost them anything, they won’t think twice next time.
A while back we were running into a problem with our DSi games. My boys love their Nintendo DS. And I have a love-hate relationship with video games in general. Sometimes I hate being the video game nazi but that is a whole other post. DS games are small. Tiny. About 1 square inch and they are very easily lost. A couple years ago I felt like my boys were always losing their games or leaving them at grandparents houses. I felt like I was the only one who even tried to keep up with them.
So I made a rule: If you lose a DS game, you may NEVER own it again. No one can gift it to you. You may not save up to buy it again. You can never own it again.
I know this seems extreme but can I tell you, we have only lost 1 game that I can think of in the past 3 years.
Sometimes you have to make an extreme rule to teach your children to care about their stuff. Elijah recently lost his school sweatshirt (it did not have his name in it). I found it funny that he didn’t ask me to buy another one. Maybe he knows I will say no. Maybe he doesn’t care because he doesn’t like wearing coat. But either way I don’t plan on replacing it. He can save up his money if he wants one this year. Otherwise, he’ll have to wait until next year.
I don’t pretend to do everything right with my children. But I have a big vision for each of my kids and getting them there is not going to be easy. I have to remind myself that it is easier for them to learn it with a lost video game or a sweatshirt than a lost wallet or cell phone. And if I have to be the bad guy, then I will.
Comments
Totally agree, Holly. On the same lines, I won’t bring things to school if they leave them. I tell them they just have to sit in from recess that day.
Also, my daughter has a bad habit of leaving her lunch box in the car. I have been making her go out in the cold to get it from the van instead of me. She forgets it a lot less now!
Posted By: Amy | January 24th, 2013 at 9:42 am
I just recently asked my 7 year old to spend his money on buying a new pair of jeans. He repeatedly puts holes on his knees from sitting on his knees. I feel like a broken record telling him to get off his knees!
This is great! It’s important to teach our kids responsiblity even at a young age.
You are doing a fabulous job!
Posted By: Jaton | January 24th, 2013 at 10:03 am
This makes me laugh. I have an almost 11 year old and this morning he admitted to losing his house key. This is after I recently had the locks changed and it was not cheap. Sometimes he comes home after school and I’m on the phone for work (work from home) and can’t get up to answer the door so he uses his key. Now he will have to sit outside until I’m done. He also has the same problem with the DSi games..
Posted By: Serenity23 | January 24th, 2013 at 10:22 am
Getting them there is not easy and why so many tube the vision. In the moments when i want to roll up the white flag sometimes i have to say out loud to whoever i am parenting…this is hard. AND we have a God whose love & strength r deep.i love u and god doesn’t quit. So i’m not either. Lucky u :)
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Posted By: Caroline atkinson | January 24th, 2013 at 10:23 am
I’m the same way. People think my punishments are severe but honestly it’s just action and reaction stuff. You’re teaching your children to value belongings and that life isn’t just handed to them and that is such a good lesson and just not taught nearly enough. Let’s face it, losing a privilege because of irresponsibility or bad behavior is not that rough anyways. It’s life. I always say that I discipline my children more than others because I hold them to a higher standard. My boys will be gentlemen and my daughter will be a lady regardless of what society is doing.
Posted By: Hannah | January 24th, 2013 at 10:59 am
@serenity23 – I also work from home and had a keypad installed on the garage door for my kids to come home. No more forgetting or losing keys!
Discipline is the toughest part of parenting and there are no good guidebooks. We need this community to “benchmark” and get some consistency! Appreciate all the comments thus far!
Posted By: Suzanne | January 24th, 2013 at 1:46 pm
I love this article. We’re doing “Boundaries with Kids” in our eGroup and this fits perfectly with our lesson. Thank you so much Holly!
Posted By: John | January 24th, 2013 at 8:50 pm
Holly this is so true and as much as we love these beautiful gifts we have from God called children we do need to remember that the bible says we as parents ought to train our children the way they should go and they will never depart from it. Once again Holly thank you and may God bless You and family
Posted By: Lorraine Nyahora | January 25th, 2013 at 3:37 am
Holly,
I love this blog!!! I have the same exact issues, the balls all over the yard, even though there is a “toy chest” out there for them. And I promise you there were times I was totally “Unglued” about DS Games. :)
You have great solutions – hope you continue to share.
Posted By: Marie | January 25th, 2013 at 8:59 am
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