Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.
I memorized this verse when I was a little girl. And up until the other day, I always thought of it as a verse that was asking God to show me my sin. But the other day the phrase, “know my anxious thoughts,” jumped out at me.
Have you ever had one of those days where your thoughts were just running wild with anxiety? And you knew your thoughts were so ridiculous that you shouldn’t even voice them to anyone? Being anxious like having a voice screaming in your head while you are trying to concentrate on having a normal day.
But how comforting to know that God knows my ridiculous, anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:2 says, “You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” And God is the One who can calm them. When I have these moments, I have to ground myself. I have to stop and remind myself who I am, and to borrow from my husband’s teaching, I have to remember whose I am.
I think anxious thoughts offend God because it is as if I am saying, I don’t trust God. I am a child of God, called by God. I am empowered, through His grace, to be an amazing mom, and wife, and pastor’s wife. He knows my anxious thoughts and He wants me to trust Him with them. Just like 1 Peter 5:7 say, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”