When my kids were babies, I thought that the baby stage was the hardest. I am now living the reality that having kids is hard at every stage. Some stages require more physical work, other stages are more emotional, and then some stages are both.
Here are 4 things I am struggling through and working on as a mother…
1. Be with them when I am with them. Sometimes I am with my kids all day and not really with them. I am bad about this. Whether it’s laundry or dinner or email or a phone call. My kids need me to talk to them and play with them. Not all day, otherwise we would never eat or have clean clothes, but they deserve a portion of my day.
2. Expect them to act like children. Plan for it because, news flash, that is what they are. Abbey is going to throw a temper-tantrum at some point each day over what she wants to eat. Of course she wants to eat a chocolate chip granola bar over an apple sauce, they are like candy bars. But I am the mom and I say what we are having for snack. And my boys are going to break things, and they are going to spill things and they are going to fight with each other. Because they are kids.
3. Don’t be a fussy mom. I don’t want my kids to be afraid of me. Or to like a babysitter better than me. I want to practice saying yes more. This is hard. If I let Graham give his Batman toys a bath, I may have to clean up spilled water in the bathroom, but is that really that big of a deal?
4. Don’t think every activity has to be a major event. My kids like to play Uno with me almost as much as they like for me to take them to the park. Every activity at home does not have to be a major project. Painting is awesome, but sometimes crayons and tickles mean just as much (and make a lot less mess).
I want to give my kids my best. That means simplifying when I can and embracing the chaos when I can’t.
Either way, I want to be all in.
Comments
I hear ya girlfriend loud and clear!!! Parenting is not the easiest!!! Then also I have to learned over the last 15 years that it is a process and it has taught me so much as a parent, especially having a child with a disability.
They LOVE their time with you but as for my house we have taught Zoe the importance of sharing “time” together as a family & also sharing time with her alone with just either her Daddy or myself. Then to show her that Mommy & Daddy need alone time too just like she does with just her friends. Doing this teaches her not to be selfish & everything is not about her…LOL!! Plus she has grown so much more independence & secure.
Plus childen are children and they need to act like them and expect that their will be spills, accidents but it is all a learning process of growing up. We all learn by our mistakes ~ right? :-)
Also, it is great for our children to see us do laundry, cook because it shows them how much we care for them and it also sets an example for them when they get older. Plus I have learned that I don’t have to do it continually that I can take “15″ minutes and spend time with Zoe because it will still be there & Zoe will not…they grow up fast!!!
WE all have regrets of “I wish I would have done that better” but I have learned that every child is different and every household as well. I just pray and ask God for wisdom how to teach & discipline Zoe.
Yes! we all have had time where we are “fussy” but it’s ok. It is all part of the process and through the process I have learned that when I feel like I’m getting aggitated…I step aside and go take a breather because our emotions at the time are running wild & we never want to do something that we will regret. I pray and ask the Lord to help me! Sometimes I will just tell Zoe that we will talk about this later with her Daddy.
One important thing that Clay (my husband) has taught me is to calmy sit down with Zoe & be stern & after it all to pray. That has been such a great gift to me but also to teach Zoe about Forgiveness & Grace.
Sweet Holly, I pray that God will give you insight, wisdom, peace for your precious children every day and you also as a Mother. God truly entrusts us with the gift of these precious babies that He placed in our lives. YOU are an Amazing, Loving Mother that your children are so Blessed to have!
Posted By: Tina | August 2nd, 2012 at 9:59 am
Great reminder Holly! It’s very easy to get caught up in what needs to get done. Usually if we take the 5-10 minutes to have a little face time, they won’t be begging for it all day…thus making our lives a little easier!
Posted By: Amy | August 2nd, 2012 at 10:04 am
Hi! I struggle with this. I feel like if we don’t leave the house I didn’t give them a “fun” day. Today the plastic pool and water table will be up and they will have a great time. We don’t always have to go to the neighborhood pool. I saw you last night at work and then you were gone. I wanted to catch up with one of my favorite families. Next time.
Posted By: Colleen Gebhardt | August 2nd, 2012 at 10:58 am
That is so very true and I need to remember this also. It is so easy to check out mentally, whether that be due to technology being so readily accessible or because we are just thinking about all the other things we want to be doing. Thanks for the reminder.
Posted By: Bek | August 2nd, 2012 at 11:31 am
Thanks for sharing!! I think I struggle most with 1 & 4. Trying to learn to be present and in the moment and somehow manage to not let the house fall apart. Everyday has to be like some major event. I think bc I don’t have a lot of good childhood memories so I feel I have to make this the greatest day of his life..{crazy, I know!}
Posted By: Diane | August 2nd, 2012 at 11:53 am
Great post! Thank you Holly.
I especially love #4 – my three kids want my time and my attention but it doesn’t have to be a huge event or activity, the fact that I sit on the floor and do a puzzle with them means a lot.
Posted By: Angela | August 2nd, 2012 at 12:28 pm
Great wisdom! You are an amazing mom!
Posted By: Jessica | August 3rd, 2012 at 11:58 am
This is a great post!!! I have fought these feelings on and off for years…sometimes I know I am doing better than other times. This summer has been the worst emotionally for me on this topic. I am a working mom and even though I know I pour myself into my kids and night and on the weekend…because they are out of school I have been struggling since June. And then add to it that I want to take care of them and my husband in the best way possible. I am way better at balancing now…but I can appreciate all you are saying here.
Thank you for being so open with your life, fears and joys.
Posted By: Marie | August 3rd, 2012 at 12:50 pm
Oh wow Holly, your direct honesty on these things is what God wanted me to hear today. I think you and are leading the exact same life with a lot of teh same personality! Thank you for the encouragement in the places I need it most.
Posted By: Veronica Greear | August 3rd, 2012 at 2:42 pm
I think your open honesty about your struggles with being a mom will help you quicker make those changes you long to see. Its like therapy..you confessed it, you read your own words, and wow, Lord help me to change! You are very wise for this. My kids are 10 and 16 and I still struggle with the exact things.But we are moms in progress, just like everything else! Ya gotta let go of the days of not so good parenting and wake up to a new day that He has made and embrace the mercies for that day! You will look back someday and smile at the struggles you had, bc you will see how God filled in all the gaps you couldnt fill as a mom! :)
Posted By: debbie manwarrren | August 4th, 2012 at 8:10 am
GUILT! I feel that a lot. I try to make everyone happy while still trying to be firm and set boundaries. But when my kids are fussy or saying their bored or not having fun it makes me sad. I want my kids to have an amazing life and always know i am there for them. And i recently was told by my hubby that he has been a little resentful because I get to do what I love. wife/mother/photographer. Just because i do what I love doesn’t mean I am stress free. Making sure I raise two lives to know and love the Lord stresses me out sometimes. I want to know I did a good job in His eyes. How do I balance all of this????
Posted By: Nichol DeGroot | August 5th, 2012 at 12:46 pm
Post a comment